Heigl and Knight Not Leaving Grey’s Anatomy (Like I Give A Shit)
So… remember a few days ago when news broke that T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl were leaving Grey’s Anatomy? And I didn’t blog about it at pophangover? And about 200 of you decided to send me angry emails asking why I wasn’t blogging about it? Here’s why:
1) I don’t give a shit about Grey’s Anatomy. I think it is one of the worst shows on television and I never write about it. Just the word “McDreamy” makes me want to light myself on fire.
2) Also, I never mentioned it because my sources told me days ago that THEY WERE NOT LEAVING THE SHOW.
And guess what’s all over the blogs today? That’s right: Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight are NOT leaving Grey’s Anatomy.
I’ll take my apologies in chocolate chip cookies, fuzzy unicorn stickers, and Midwest Airlines travel miles.
Sincerely,
Jillian Madison
The Sopranos, unedited and funny
This is every single swear, from every single episode of The Sopranos, ever.
Apparently, my laptop sucks
(begin rant)
I have a fairly new HP special edition laptop. It’s 7 months old - and I hate it. The trackpad doesn’t function properly, the keys don’t always work when you push them, the wireless on/off switch is in the stupidest location (right in the front, and I always accidentally switch it off), and the battery doesn’t hold a charge… at all.
It has an AMD Turion 64×2 TL-62 2.1Ghz chip with 4 (FOUR) GB of memory, running 64-bit Vista. Sounds fabulous, until you actually try to DO ANYTHING on it other than search the internet.
I like to unwind with games, so last night I downloaded a demo for a game called The Experiment. Aaaaand, it wouldn’t run. The graphics were crawling across the screen, so I uninstalled it.
Today, I spent an hour downloading and installing a demo for The Witcher (including an annoying Direct-X installation), only to get the dreaded popup notification: “Minimum system requirements not met!”
What kind of bullshit is this? I’ve got a 2Ghz chip, and 4GB of ram, on a brand new laptop. WTF do I need? A god damn computer from NASA? I just wanted to play a game. I didn’t realize I had to have a $12,000 laptop to do so.
What’s next? A blue screen of death next time I try to play Solitaire?
Screw you, HP laptop.
(/end rant)
Term HOT SAUCE Flagged As Adult By Yahoo Images?!
Thanks, internet sickos. Now I have to prove I’m 18+ to do an image search for HOT SAUCE? What kind of bullshit is that?!
The People at Le Creuset are Le Nuts
When you turn 30, you start getting excited about things you never would have given a shit about in your 20s. Example: a few months ago, I was borderline ecstatic about the sucking power of my new Hoover bagless vacuum. I called friends, family, whoever would listen, and just held the phone up to the vacuum as it effortlessly sucked dog hair off the couch. I didn’t quite know everybody I called, but so what. I was excited. I had a coupon.
Now, I’m admittedly way too happy about the brand new 7-qt Cuisinart Cast Iron Round Dutch Oven I 
picked up this evening. It wasn’t exactly what I went out shopping for, because I didn’t do my research first. You see, I naively went to the store thinking I’d just “pick up” a gorgeous sunburst orange Le Creuset… until I got there and saw they cost over TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. That’s roughly $90 more than the entire 7-piece Kitchen-Aid cookware set I’m currently using. Why are they so expensive? You’d have to be crazy, or filthy rich, to pay that much. Right?
So anyway, just as I hit shopping rock bottom, I rounded the corner and spotted the aforementioned 7-qt Cuisinart Cast Iron casserole for the bargain price of only $69. It was $200 cheaper, and 1-quart bigger. I took that baby home, and tomorrow she will be whipping up a batch of Giada’s Roman-Style Chicken.
(Are pots “she’s” like boats and cars? Or “it’s” like babies whose genders are questionable?)
God, I hope it doesn’t suck like the $50 griddle from Crate & Barrel that everything stuck to. My local Starbucks closed, and I just heard The Office got renewed. I’ve had enough to be disappointed about for one week.
The Gods (and I) Must Be Crazy
Hi, I’m Jillian Madison. Remember me? The one who used to blog here all the time until I decided to buy 7 new domains and set them up all at once? By myself? On top of working my normal 9-5 web design job?
Man, I must be crazy.
Anyway, hi and welcome to all the people who got here by googling “Benjamin Button sucks.” I thought I’d ease back into blogging, and introduce myself to the new readers, by submitting this list of things you should know about me:
1. I once went on a date with Jake Gyllenhaal.
2. I often lie about having gone on a date with Jake Gyllenhaal.
3. I think I may be getting a bunion on my right foot. I’m afraid posts about foot pain and ill-fitting boots may be in our futures.
4. After much discussion, my sister finally convinced me to sign up for a 2-week World of Warcraft trial.
The upside: I had fun skinning bears, leveling my warlock, and selling things at the auction house.
The downside: the phrase “leveling my warlock” is now part of my vocabulary.
5. Last night, I woke up petting my pillow, because in my dream it was a dog. These things happen frequently. Don’t be alarmed.
6. I DON’T LIKE CRAFTS. I”m not one of those girls who gets off by gluing styrofoam pumpkins to autumn wreaths, or by scoring discounted, hand-painted wooden snowmen ornaments at the Christmas Tree Shop.
7. Did I tell you guys about the time I had a drink with Jake Gyllenhaal in New York City? And how he totally felt me up? No?
8. I used to run a BBS (a Bulletin Board System) back in the early 90s, called Land’s End Hotel. I had a one megabyte hard drive and I was the shit. (Huge geek. Huge.)
9. I worked on a psychic hotline during the summer of 1993. Seriously. People would call, I’d maneuver my raft over to the side of the pool, half-heartedly read their tarot cards, and then hang up to challenge my sister to an underwater breath-holding contest.
10. I never finish anyth
Christian Music CD Infomercial - Enough!
Dear Tru TV,
Do you really have to play the 3 minute long infomercial for I Can Only Imagine: Ultimate Power Anthems Of The Christian Faith every 15 minutes? Enough! I demand an immediate separation of church and tv! I don’t want to pause mid-luminol spray to hear a bunch of Evangelical weirdos singing about how awesome God is. I’m watching Forensic Files. A mutilated torso was just found in the trunk of a burned car. Can’t we just leave God out of this?
Thanks,
-MGMT
One final note:
New Years Eve
New Year’s Eve. It’s the most over-rated holiday of the year - and I hate it. Just the question “what are you doing for New Years” makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Why?
Society puts this silent, unspoken pressure on you to go out and have a wild night. But here’s the thing: that night NEVER lives up to its expectations. If you go out, you will inevitably be disappointed. But if you stay in, the world looks at you like you’re a lepper. So what’s a girl to do?
Here’s what it’s taken me 15 years to realize: my idea of FUN doesn’t involve shelling out $100 for 6 watery mixed drinks at a bar packed with strangers, where it takes me 15 minutes and 28 “EXCUSE ME’s” to maneuver 8 feet to the bathroom, where 4 girls are puking all over themselves and 4 others just pissed all over the toilet seats.
Nor does it involve driving for 45 minutes on a highway that’s also being driven on by drunk morons, just to get to a friend’s house and have 2 beers and watch the ball drop, only to then turn around and get stuck in traffic for 4 hours on the drive home because yet another moron got drunk and caused a 12-car pile up on i-95.
NOR does it involve standing like cattle with the tens of thousands of people in Times Square. It sounds fun in theory, but you don’t realize how much it sucks until you do it. Standing around for HOURS with nothing to do, shivering in the cold with nowhere to pee and nothing to drink and no chance of getting a cab… followed by a 45 minute wait to catch a subway back to Grand Central… followed by your normal 90 minute train ride being extended to 3 hours of pure hell?
I’ll take “NO FUCKING THANKS” for $500, Alex.
What is the perfect New Year’s Eve? I’m not sure, though can tell you it doesn’t involve sharing the road with drunk morons, shelling out a month’s mortgage payment, or narrowly avoiding being vomited on by some drunk bitch who can’t control her liquor at a dirty bar. I’m all set staying in, where I have access to a clean toilet and can become saddened by Dick Clark’s declining health in the privacy of my own damn home.
I spend my days blogging over at Pophangover.I live-blog American Idol here: We Hate Idol
I also write and manage the content over at Food Network Humor.
